Short horror story: That time I waxed myself

I have been in an unending battle with shaving sticks for all the reasons imaginable; the ingrowing hairs, red bumps, and dark patches are just some of the side effects I couldn’t stand. I decided I was done so I switched to shaving creams. It was love at first sight but they didn’t quite do the trick. The smell was vile and I was paranoid about using them on my lady parts. Waxing seemed like my only solution so I began to do a little search for the good waxing parlours in Lagos.

The first problem was the lack of exclusive waxing parlours which led me to believe there couldn’t be any real specialists. My second problem was that the reliable looking places would cost me the equivalent of a small parcel of land in Yaba. So I watched a couple of YouTube videos and thought to myself this doesn’t even look that difficult.

While contemplating, I stumbled upon some D.I.Y Wax Strips (I think they were by Veet) at Mama Tega’s store in Yaba (dont judge, it was eye liner that took me there) and they cost me about a 1,000 per pack (there are two wax strips in a pack).

I was beyond excited to try them out so I bought a couple and took them home. I decided to test them out on my armpits first for some reason. I followed the instructions on the pack and laid the strip on one of my armpits, waited a couple of minutes before ripping it off, and that was when all hell broke lose. The wax strip came off with not only a very sparse amount of hair but a pound of flesh too and I began bleeding profusely. My blood was everywhere and I just kept stuffing tissues under my armpit to try and control it.

Still bleeding a little I decided to apply the lotion that had come with the strips which I had been instructed to apply after waxing (I’m not sure what sort of damage control I was attempting to make in retrospect), and then my armpit started to sting like hell, and promptly started bleeding again.

I was near tears at this point (actually I was bawling,) so I just stuffed a couple of more tissues under my arm to stop the bleeding once again and curled up in a ball on the floor wallowing in my pain and misery until my sister found me.

She laughed so hard she cried when I told her what had happened and then helped me clean up my armpit properly with spirit. I haven’t tried waxing since then and I’m not even sure that I can.

 

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