The Perfect Gentleman: Are You Making Love Or Just Having Sex?


As crude as it may sound and seem, it holds water and bears little conjecture to affirm that majority of men just want to have sex, while the female yearn to make love.

Now, you may begin to wonder, ‘what’s the difference between making love and having sex’?

Ordinarily, it shouldn’t take a genius to figure out the differences, but for the fact that both terms have been commonly misconstrued as one, and have been consistently inter-used, interchanged and misused, many seem to think them to be the same.

Having sex is just the act of sexual intercourse between two (or more) willing participants.

That is sex, a plain, simple, carnal act (to most guys, at least).

Love making on the other hand is the act of copulation, filled with the intensity of affection, emotions, and feelings.

Making love is a sweet, cherished, spiritual act, believes the female gender.

Acceptably, there will always be an exception to the categorization stipulated above, in both the male and female, but then, majority fits the bill.

Most men simply cannot fathom why they can’t indulge in  ‘sex without strings’, ‘one night stands’, ‘friends with benefits’ , and the likes, without being expected to display some semblance of affection, either pre-sex or post-sex.

It is in the nature of the average bachelor to be wary of things like commitment and overt emotions while still sowing their oats indiscriminately. In simpler words, men hardly desire a serious relationship that requires fidelity, while in their bachelor phase, but women can’t have that.

They cannot agree, they don’t understand why we would want them for just sex.

Love making from the female standpoint is not trivial and ordinary as viewed by us.

Women want to enjoy the foreplay, the teasing and tingling sensations and probably cuddle up after sex.

‘For Chrissakes, its just sex’, guys are quick to point out.

An assumption many women would passionately counter, ‘its not just sex, pervert’.


Gone are the days when it was believed that ‘you can’t kiss someone you don’t like’. These days, guys will thoroughly French-kiss a lady he loathes, if it means getting laid eventually.

The female on the other hand, in most cases, has to know you, at least relatively, and most importantly, like you substantially, before she can allow you get into her pants.

Women don’t rush into sex, they take their time till they’re ready emotionally and psychologically, hence ‘love making’.

Men can make out anywhere, anytime, anyhow, hence ‘just sex’.

Now, this is not to imply that men do not sometimes desire love-making.

They do.

We do.

Sometimes, albeit rarely.

8 out of 10 times, men simply want to satisfy their sexual urge.

7 out of 10 times, women want to enjoy love making.

A brother can easily go out and take a complete stranger home for the night.

Women would rather masturbate than have sex with a total stranger.

Guys just want to have sex, sometimes enjoy it, and ultimately achieve ejaculation.

Women want to love (enjoy) the act, sometimes achieve orgasm, and ultimately fantasize about it afterwards.

Although of recent, there have been numerous cases where women also tend to go out and just have sex, but it hasn’t been without some lingering iota of regret and shame afterwards.

Bottom-line therefore remains that until men are ready for a serious relationship and willing to fully commit, they simply cannot see sexual intercourse as love making, like the subtle mushy female.

Even at this point, the man does not completely undergo a transformation of sorts.

Rather, he’s willing to make sacrifices to satisfy his partner.

In essence, he’s willing to make love to her to make her happy, but deep down inside, he’s still that ‘just sex’ animal.

Kolapo Olapoju

Kolapo Olapoju is the editor of He is a creative writer, poet and entrepreneur. He develops content for web, print and TV. His works have been published in Glam & Essence magazine, YNaija, Nigerian Entertainment today (NET), Tuck Magazine and many others. His poetry has been published on and in anthologies like ‘Upcoming Voices’ by Society of Young Nigerian writers and ’2014 Annual Poets Showcase’ by Poetry First Publishing. He tweets from @hardrockyng


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