Getting married is a big deal, that is why it is important to follow this list of 15 things to discuss before you take that major life-changing step.
1. Past/Secret
Is your past tainted with pain, or filled with hope- you need to get real with where you come from.
Past relationships, family history, and significant experiences (both positive and negative) that have shaped you are just some of the things that need to be discussed as you look back- so that you can join together in moving forward.
It’s crucial to talk about your past, because the past has a role in shaping the present.
2. Children
Do you want them? If so, how many kids do you want to have?
When do you want to start having them? What happens if you aren’t able to get pregnant?
How do you want to raise the kids? What names will you give your kids?
There was a time when having kids was a priority in marriage, but times are different now. Many people don’t want to have kids (until after a few years), and that’s perfectly okay.
It’s all good as long as both partners are on the same page.
3. Money and Career
It’s important that both of you have an understanding on how to handle money. You also need to decide if you will keep separate bank accounts or join together. You should also discuss who is going to pay the bills and how much money you will save each month?
Also, talk about your career plans. Where do you want to be in five years? How do you see your 9-to-5 — and your salary — evolving over your lifetime? Does he know what your future goals are? Do you know his?
Getting both your expectations in line with reality will cut down on money-related arguments later.
4. Your sex life
Marriage will be a tough road if you and your partner aren’t compatible when it comes to sex. You need to know what the other person likes, what fantasies they have.
What expectations do you have and are you on the same page? Understanding your sexual views and knowing your partner’s is a valuable part of preparing for intimacy.
If one of you is straight up sex-twice-a-month-only-missionary types and the other is borderline obsessed with sex, and both are equally stubborn, there might be trouble up ahead.
5. Household
Who is expected to do what chores? Will there be a time table for cooking?
How will you divide chores? What does each of you dread or like to do as chores?
What chores are important to each of you?
Knowing your partner’s preconceived expectations of roles in housework will save you many misunderstandings and fights later on!
6. Religion
Figure out before you get married how you will celebrate religious holidays and handle any religious differences.
Discussions about prayer life, reading God’s word, spiritual roles, theological beliefs, and denominational preferences are all things that need to be considered and discussed as you move forward.
7. Boundaries
Boundaries are your views on what is okay and what is not okay when it comes to your relationship and marriage.
We don’t always end up with someone who’s exactly like us. Your partner could be a party animal while you might be someone who loves his/her ‘alone time’.
In such scenarios, it’s always a good idea to talk about what you expect and what you’re willing to give up.
8. Health Issues
If you’re planning to spend your life with someone, make sure you know that person inside out. And this includes any health issues – both physical and mental. That way you can plan your union ahead in the most appropriate manner, so that all special needs are taken care of.
9. Priority
Know what comes first for your spouse. Work? God? Spouse? Kids? family?
Knowing your partner’s priorities is very important. Do those priorities match up with yours?
10. Parenting
If you have decided to have children you also need to discuss how you will parent. There are many different parenting styles. Some parents are stricter while other parents let things slide. There isn’t a right or wrong it’s just an important thing to know before marriage.
11. How to Fight
Do you know how to fight fair?
Discuss before marriage how you can approach problems without getting ugly.
Also figure out what topics are hot buttons that should be avoided in order to fight fair.
Make sure you understand each other’s way of managing conflict.
12. Jealousy
How often are you expected to see your friends?
How close are you expected to be with friends of the opposite sex?
What are your limits on physical closeness with others?
If you are a jealous person let him/her know that. Tell your spouse the things that make you jealous and how he can avoid those things are help you get through them.
13.Parents and In-laws
How much time do you spend with your family now, how much do you expect to spend with them once you’re married and potentially have children, and how much time do you expect your spouse to spend with them (and vice versa)?
Will you be okay with having your in-laws visit you for a few days or more?
Are you the type of person who likes to vacation with your family, and if so, how often?
14. Vacation
You need to discuss what other types of vacations you do or don’t enjoy.
If one of you only likes camping and the other prefers staying in chic boutique hotels, there’s an issue.
Likewise, if the workaholic in your relationship can’t bear to be too far away from the office while the other would like to get as far away from home as possible, you need to talk through how you’re going to compromise.
15. Free time
What do you enjoy doing together and apart?
What are the expectations about how you’ll spend free time once married?
How much time will you each have together, alone or with your own friends?
