by Jackie Uko
Going on a first date can be extremely frustrating for men. They build up a lot of expectations about how the date should proceed and often end up disappointed at the results. Maybe there’s not enough conversation or chemistry between you or maybe you feel too much pressure on a first date. And if it’s a holiday, remember you can get some inexpensive but great Christmas gifts for her.
But never fear, if you’re in the dating scene, we’ve got 9 secrets to wooing a woman on your first date.
1. Ask why frequently
Yes, you might feel you sound like a petulant child, but asking “why” can open a realm of conversation. Instead of only asking her what her favorite food or movie is, ask her why she answered the way she did. This will give you greater insight into her personality and lead to a better understanding.
This might also encourage your date to ask you why you do or like certain things. She’ll gain the same benefits and insights into you. Asking “why” can forge a deeper bond between you and your date.
2. Be confident
Build confidence. Women seek out confident men, so make sure you’re feeling confident on your first date. If it’s apparent she doesn’t like the location you chose, don’t apologize. Simply say, “This doesn’t seem to be your kind of place. Why don’t you choose where we go next time?” Use a playful tone so she doesn’t feel too much pressure.
Then, direct her attention away from the venue and focus on her. She’ll probably ignore the surroundings so she can get to know you better. If she doesn’t, she’s not a keeper!
3. Rethink your compliments
Replace your bland “Your hair looks nice tonight” compliment with something more detailed. Instead, say something like, “I love the way your hairstyle frames your face. It really accents your eyes.” She’ll respond more to comments like this because it shows that you’re observant. In the future, she’ll make an effort to present herself in the same way, because she knows you like it.
4. Be true to yourself
First dates are all about getting to know each other and deciding if you want to pursue a deeper relationship. So, putting on a show and pretending to be someone you’re not is not helpful at all. Dress nicely but in a way that you usually dress (if you’re a casual dresser, don’t put on a suit and a tie). Don’t rein in your personality; if you do, you’re likely to slip up later in the relationship, dumping a surprise on her.
5. Mind your manners
This means picking her up (if she agreed to that) and opening the car door (and other doors) for her. Ask if she’s comfortable. Pull out the chair at the coffee shop or restaurant. Mind your language (unless it’s obvious she curses, too; but you still might want to keep it to a minimum). Don’t eat like a prison lifer with your elbows on the table wolfing down your food.
Put your phone down. Avoid hot topics like politics and religion. But have something unique to talk about. Be both interesting and interested. And most importantly: pick up the tab, regardless of if she insists on splitting it.
6. Drink lightly
If you’re going for drinks, set a limit for yourself. Your date certainly doesn’t want to have to pick you up off the floor or pour you into a cab for the ride home. Know your limit when it comes to alcohol and don’t overdo it.
7. Watch your body language…and hers
Use eye contact when you’re talking to her. Don’t sit in a defensive posture with your arms crossed over your chest. Lean toward her to let her know you’re interested in what she’s saying. If she breaks eye contact for a few minutes, bring her back with a question.
8. Ask for a second date if she seems interested
If the date has gone well and she seems interested, ask for a second date toward the end. If she agrees, call her the next day to nail down specifics. If you chose the venue, let her choose this one.
9. Go in for the kiss
If she’s shown an interest and the attraction is there, go for the kiss at the end of the date. Start slow and if she responds, you can deepen the kiss. Leave off with a statement about how much you enjoyed the date. If you have to go further than a kiss, these tips will help.
Jackie Uko is an editor, blogger, and writer. She is currently senior editor at a startup focused on educational software based in Lekki, Lagos, Nigeria. Conncect with her on Twitter @JackieUko