This is that time of the year where you get to share beautiful moments, gifts and laughter with family and friends you were too busy to catch up with all year long. This is also that time of the year you dread the most because you’re still single.
Your friends, cousins and even younger folks around you have either gotten married in the course of the year or have just gotten engaged this December and the good news made it to social media so basically, everyone is aware. Worst part? Even your nosy aunties who haven’t quite gotten the hang of Instagram somehow received the proposal videos on Whatsapp, so you’re literally done for.
See, there are no escape routes! You’re not in a relationship because men are scum was your 2017 mantra and there’s no way to explain that to ‘aunty nosy’ or ‘grandma pesky’, you can’t lie your way out of that family get-together too so yeah, we said it: You’re done for!
But hollup, single friends! We can help ourselves out of this if we’re armed with jawdropping clapbacks. So let’s run through five possible questions to come up and comebacks that will send your busybody family members into months or even years of silence, shall we?
When are you getting married?
You can be super petty and go with an answer like “On my wedding day” or be plain rude and say “Oh I got married in July! Your invitation must have ended up in your spam folder“. We advice you go with the former though.
Why aren’t you seeing anyone at the moment?
You can confuse them by replying, “Trust me I’m seeing so many men you’ll be proud of me. Why settle for one when you can have ten or more?“. You can even namedrop a few random male names, they’ll walk away thinking you’re a full-time hoe or call a family prayer meeting for you.
Don’t you think you’re too picky and arrogant?
Bitch your way out of this. “Who needs a man when you can have a cute dog?” or “I’m too busy making money, I can’t accommodate a man right now“. Errr, we kind of didn’t see that coming.
Why is it so hard for you to keep a man?
Do not say this to your grandma or aunty but anyone else in your age range who peers into your matter, “Why is it so hard for you to get your life together?”
Aren’t you tired of being single?
The perfect response to this would be “Aren’t you tired of being in my business?” or “Has anyone died from being single?”
We can’t guarantee the exact aftermath of these conversations but we can assure you of relative silence.