Here’s all I had to cut out of my diet to get my dream body

I attempted to go on my hundreth diet this year, yesterday morning. I had gone out with friends the day before, and we made plans to hit the beach next week, which was a problem for me because my summer body hasn’t been ready for about five years now. So of course I googled the usual ‘how to get fit in 7 days’ YouTube videos, we all know never work, but at least it’s worth the shot right? After watching a dozen videos and downloading my 20th diet plan, I decided to make a comprehensive list of every  thing I have to cut out of my diet to get my body to look like Mo’Chedda’s.

Apparently the most important thing I need to cut out of my diet, are foods high in energy density (whatever that means). Fried foods, fatty foods and food with processed sugar are all high in energy density, so that means I have to cut out DODO, as if that wasn’t bad enough I’m also required to cut out butter, any food that comes in a tin or packet and that includes rice so no party jollof either.

I could go on and on, but the long and short of it, is that I need to not consume any form of food to shed my love handles and a few inches off of my thighs in the next seven days. I did some research and decided to pick my love handles over a stomach ulcer, mi ole wa ku please. I know a ton of diet plans that don’t involve me going on a huger strike exist, but I’ve also realized that finding one tailored to fit our local diet is hard. For now ‘m still on the search for the perfect (long term this time) diet plan, not just for the purpose of losing weight but for good health and wellness and all the other good stuff that we are supposed to benefit from eating healthy.

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