The Perfect Gentleman: Does Love Fluctuate?

Love, the golden word that binds all and heals all.

Love, just a bit of it would make the world a better place.

Love, that sweet poison which makes us do crazy meaningless things.


Ever seen a full grown man breakdown in public and shed oceans of tears, uncontrollably, without shame, bereft of remorse.

Have you ever lost the desire to eat, sleep, or even keep living over the loss (breakup) of a loved one?

Love, something so special, so divine, so sanguine, damn near perfect. God’s greatest gift to man (more so evident in the sacrifice of his only son).

In the past, I used to have a witty and somewhat realistic definition of love; A four letter word that guys use to get into girls’ pants.

I used to resist and fight love, and even the urge to fall in love.

I was so certain of this naive assumption that I brandished it about with careless abandon to whomever cared to pay attention, until nature had its way with me.

I fell in love with a beautiful and extremely appealing girl and we didn’t make love until 8 months after we started dating (Lol, i wasn’t slow nor impotent).


I was deeply in love and I was willing to wait till she was ready emotionally, physically and psychologically.

Obviously this experience changed my rebellious view on love, it killed the fight in me and sent me falling, crashing in love, never to rise again.

Why then should something this beautiful, pure, and selfless fluctuate? Maybe it is subject to the ever constant ‘change’ or the forever present ‘law of gravity’.


Does love really fluctuate? I think it does, for me at least, and every other man I know. Anyone who has ever been in a love steeped relationship (the exemption of friends with benefits) must and will have experienced the highs and lows of love.

There are periods when the feeling of love is so intense, so thick, so strong, that we (guys) would see an extremely endowed woman with a buttocks the size of Nicki Minaj’s and you won’t even give her a second look.

That is love at its best, highest, purest peak. There are times when it (love) is so low you would wonder “what the heck am I doing with her”.

At that point, all her previously benign flaws will be magnified in your eyes.


Love certainly has different levels of intensity and it would only be hypocritical and unrealistic of us to deny this, consequently and unconsciously telling the young ones that it is forever a blissful phenomenon, nah, not possible.

There is fantasy love and true love. Fantasy love might not fluctuate, might not waiver, might even never bicker, but trust me, it is fickle deep down and can’t last, never.


True love on the other hand is sometimes sweet, sometimes sad, sometimes fraught with ups and downs, but at the end of the day, you know you have something real, worth fighting for.

Love tends to fluctuate over weeks, months, and years. Basically, over time. Even in one day or an hour, love can and does fluctuate.


Tell me you’ve never been with your partner for about a couple of hours and not felt bored and indifferent at some point, hell, even tired of them.

You’re nodding, yeah, that’s it, that’s the fluctuation.

The fluctuation does not mean that love disappears from the relationship. It is natural for love to fluctuate from time to time in human relationships, whether we want it or not, like it or not.

Some say if love fluctuates,  it never was love,  but I say , if love doesn’t fluctuate, doesn’t waiver,  how do you test its limit? its depth? its validity? How do you? My friends, the moment you realize that love fluctuates in relationships, the better equipped you will be, relationship-wise.

Kolapo Olapoju

Kolapo Olapoju is the editor of He is a creative writer, poet and entrepreneur. He develops content for web, print and TV. His works have been published in Glam & Essence magazine, YNaija, Nigerian Entertainment today (NET), Tuck Magazine and many others. His poetry has been published on and in anthologies like ‘Upcoming Voices’ by Society of Young Nigerian writers and ’2014 Annual Poets Showcase’ by Poetry First Publishing. He tweets from @hardrockyng


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