The Perfect Gentleman: When The Sex buddy Begins To Have Feelings

It was one of such days where nothing seemed to go as planned and it appeared as if the whole world was antagonistic to all his endeavors.
A day where his halitosis lingered till evening,
A day where he was labelled inhuman by his godmother.
There was absolutely nothing close to positive throughout that 24hours.
Yet he weathered it.

The clouds were changing color and It was getting close to nighttime and he didn’t wanna be alone that dusk so he went over to her place for refuge and to seek escape, a little feminine companionship, and some subtle words to ease his aching frame.
On getting to her apartment, he smelt rift in her persona, animosity in the air and efo-riro in the kitchen.

Once he was settled nicely in, she came to stand 2inches away, with her  arms akimbo and began a barrage of incoherent accusations.
Thenceforth, all he received was grief-ranting and guilt-tripping about all his ills ,errors and inaction.

She accused him of forgetting her born day anniversary and not even bothering to call to wish her happy birthday despite his ‘predetermined deliberate absence’
Those were her words.
I must have taught that girl some grammar.
‘He silently thought’
So while the efo-riro sizzled in the kitchen, He got an appetizer of icy rage.

Throughout all this, he stayed mute and only scoffed occasionally
As she emptied her anger, he began to finger his once golden ring, and soon slipped into a subconscious state of quiet monologue with himself.

The situation was ironic to him because it was well known and vastly documented by all the female who have had the fortune and misfortune(as the case may connote) of conjugating with him, that he’s the little romantic, methodical, effective ass who actually forgets his own birthdays and important dates.

So how on God’s green earth did she expect him to suddenly change for her?Herculean obligation!

People don’t actually change, people hardly ever change, so why should i of all sane people be the exception?
‘he mutely queried’
Unfair expectation!

One of The undoing of females is that they spend a lifetime trying to change us(men) that by the time they realize we are unchangeable, they would have gotten used to our flaws.
And some are foolish to live in the illusion that they succeeded in doing it(change).
She ended her retinue of attack by branding him ‘a terrible boyfriend who doesn’t know how to treat a lady’.

So, there she was giving him the chilliest cold shoulder in the history of man.
She wanted him, but wanted a fight more at that moment.

And there he was incessantly trying to get through to her, trying to make her smile; the gateway to all her goodness.
There he was trying to placate his part-time lover who had begun to nurture misplaced feelings for him and suddenly possessed expectations of husband.

As she went in and out of the kitchen, he kept wondering when she was going to cheer up and invite him into her bosom and make him feel welcome in her cute all-purpose cubicle.

When the food was ready, she half-heartedly beckoned him to come and eat, he tried feigning anger and disinterest but couldn’t succeed at the attempt for less than 5minutes because the pangs of hunger squeezing his insides were too intense and the aroma of her delicacy was too inviting to resist, hence, he bedraggling joined her on the meal.
Halfway through the meal, she said to him ‘if you’re planning to sleep here, please don’t disturb me.’

And she added her regular mantra ‘besides, my body is paining me, I have a full day at work tomorrow’. Unfortunately, he lost his appetite upon hearing this and washed his hand in the water basin. She looked at him and asked ‘you no go chop meat’ and he replied saying ‘even that, I’m tired of’ and gave her a bogus smile, accompanied with a slight nudge of her naked shoulder..

He got on the bed and fitted his earphones judiciously into his ears attempting to seek solace from his playlist aptly titled ‘deep’.

Thirty minutes later, she was through with the meal and she got on the bed and faced the wall sending a nonverbal message of ‘nothing for you tonight’.

After about an hour of coldness and several failed attempts at forging a conversation, He heard her feminine snores start to ring.

The snores had a tone and message of finality. he got the message and sought slumber for himself too.

The next dawn, as he walked home under the drizzling rain feeling defeated and deflated, he realized that he was in a worse state than the night before. His search of female comfort only yielded female wrath. His empty lonely bed would have been better than her cold indifferent company. With a dominant feeling of bitterness and discontent, he mutedly berated himself for going to her place the night before.

It was a futile venture not worth the stress, ‘He told himself’.
By reflex, he looked downwards at his feet and cursed them for dancing to the beat of defeat and falling prey to the mockery of the elements

It was one of such days he wish he never lived.

Kolapo Olapoju

Kolapo Olapoju is the editor of He is a creative writer, poet and entrepreneur. He develops content for web, print and TV. His works have been published in Glam & Essence magazine, YNaija, Nigerian Entertainment today (NET), Tuck Magazine and many others. His poetry has been published on and in anthologies like ‘Upcoming Voices’ by Society of Young Nigerian writers and ’2014 Annual Poets Showcase’ by Poetry First Publishing. He tweets from @hardrockyng

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